Epitome of Coolness

I tried to like Guy Williams, but honestly, he’s just a sad sack with too much funding and not enough to actually say. I thought watching New Zealand Today would be a good laugh, but somewhere between Woodville and Christchurch, the plot got lost, and the focus turned to blow jobs and ball sacks.

What started as quirky Kiwi satire turned into a parade of uncomfortable, over-sexualised punchlines that stopped being funny halfway through Season 1. By the time I hit Episode 6, my brain quietly packed a bag and left.

Peak “WTF” Moments

I kept waiting for clever commentary. Instead, I got:

A guy who proudly admitted to stealing a monkey from Wellington Zoo, clearly high and somehow proud of it.

A bunch of Christchurch boy racers revving family vans like they were in Fast & Furious: Estima Drift.

Milton yes, the organ museum Guy from Woodville, who literally took a chainsaw to a Māori carving’s penis and thought that was a fun anecdote.

At that point, I wasn’t sure whether I was watching satire or an out-of-control fever dream.

Too Many D*ck Jokes, Not Enough Substance

Every episode seems to follow the same formula:

1. Pick a weird New Zealand story.


2. Find the most outrageous person involved.


3. Throw in a sex joke or three.


4. Stare deadpan at the camera like it’s edgy.

It’s lazy shock humour, the kind of stuff that gets easy laughs from people who still think saying “balls” is comedy gold.

5G Towers, Strippers, and the End of My Patience

When we got to the 5G conspiracy crowd, I was already on thin ice. Add in the strip club debates outside Mermaids in Wellington, and it just felt like cheap TV in a trench coat pretending to be satire.

I guess porn, strippers, and old men saying weird things makes good Netflix-style content, but it sure doesn’t make good comedy.

When the Joke Becomes the Show

What really pushed me over the edge is how everything circles back to sex. Guy Williams can’t seem to keep it in his pants metaphorically (and sometimes literally in the punchlines). Every story, no matter how random, gets dragged down to the lowest common denominator.

It’s not clever. It’s not bold. It’s just tired.

Final Thought

I made it to Episode 6 of Season 1 and tapped out. I can’t imagine sitting through another season of this recycled awkwardness. If the point was to show how weird New Zealand can be, congratulations… mission accomplished. But somewhere between a monkey heist, a chainsaw, and a van full of boy racers, I stopped laughing.

New Zealand Today isn’t satire. It’s a cringe compilation with a budget.