Epitome of Coolness

Without Torching the Town or Hiring More Brand Consultants

Disclaimer:
Yes, I deleted the first version of this blog. No, it wasn’t censorship — I just got more data, a clearer view, and a little trigger-happy on the delete button.
What you’re reading now is sharper, more factual, and funnier.
This is the version that sticks.

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Let’s Get One Thing Straight

Ratepayers are not cash machines for marketing fluff, $75 Facebook posts, and tourism invoices with no receipts.

And yet, that’s exactly what’s happening.

We’ve got:

• Logo redesigns no one asked for
• Paid posts that reach 12 people
• Event hosting that feels more like a buddy-buddy lunch club than a measurable strategy

And the best part?
There’s no breakdown, no ROI, no transparency.
Just vibes — and invoices.

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What We Actually Spend

From LGOIMA requests and official records:

Communications & PR Salaries:

• $826,850/year
• 9 positions
• Includes a manager, advisors, Mac operator, website person
• Largest social media spend since 2021? $75 on a recycling post
• Total social media ad spend in 3 years: $533.93

Tourism & marketing budget (separate):

• $1.7 million/year
• No public breakdown available

Total known marketing/comms spend:
Roughly $2.5 million/year
With next to no data on what any of it achieves.

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Real Talk: I Was the Whole Comms Team (and Got Paid $78K)

Let’s be very clear.

Here’s what I’ve done — myself, in actual jobs:

Hang tight – I’m using emojis…. eek.

• ✅ Graphic Design — logos, reports, signage, posters, layouts
• ✅ Social Media Management — content, replies, scheduling, analytics
• ✅ Photography — shoots, editing, prepping for print and web
• ✅ Video Production — short videos, editing, captions, formatting
• ✅ Website Design & Maintenance — CMS updates, pages, styling
• ✅ Marketing Strategy — campaign planning, ad writing, messaging
• ✅ Public Relations (PR) — media releases, brand messaging, public engagement
• ✅ R&D in Tech — product design, innovation, research, internal comms

One person.
$78K salary.

So when Council hires nine people, spends $826,850, and still outsources half the work?
Yeah, I’ve got questions.

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Here’s How You Actually Fix It

Here’s what a functional, efficient, modern in-house team should look like based on real-world experience.

Role	Core Tasks
Graphic Designer (with photo + video)	All visuals: social, signage, campaigns, reels
Mac Operator / Digital Assistant	Formatting, document layout, print prep
Comms Lead	Writes everything: messaging, media, reports
Social Media + Engagement Specialist	Posts, replies, comments, analytics, tone

Optional (only if you must):

| Comms Admin/Coordinator | Scheduling, internal newsletters, support |

Estimated total cost: $350,000–$400,000/year
Savings from current setup: ~$426,000+

And yes, this team could handle it without outsourcing to creative agencies or contractors every time a flyer is needed.

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Still Outsourcing the Basics?

Despite having nine staff, Council reportedly uses NinetyBlack to do their graphic design work, especially newspaper layouts.

So what are the nine comms people doing?

Also, NinetyBlack has had more staff turnover than my grandma’s driving skills.
(She once reversed into a fence and blamed Mercury retrograde.)

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The Comms Team in Action

At one recent candidate event, four comms staff showed up.

• One to open the door
• One to shake hands
• One to pick their nose
• And one to pad the audience numbers

No photos taken.
No social coverage.
No questions asked.
$826K well spent, apparently.

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But Wait… There’s More!

Taupō District Council Snapshot:

• Population served: 41,000
• Full-time equivalent staff (FTE): 310.71
• Staff earning over $100K: 80
• Staff earning over $200K: 3
• Managers: 42 (avg. salary: $141,859)
• Comms & Marketing staff: 7 FTE (avg. salary: $88,841) (2 PTE)
• Total contractor/consultant spend: $50.2 million (198 contractors)
• Average residential rates: $2,898.35
• Debt per rating unit: $6,942.67 (72% of rates income)

And the Audit & Risk Committee?

• 8 members
• No practising lawyer
• No practising accountant
• No political neutrality policy for staff

But hey — we do pay:

• $76,046 to LGNZ
• $36,870 to SOLGM
• $4,590 to the Chamber of Commerce

So that’s comforting.

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Bonus: Mayoral Perks?

According to official Careers NZ data, PAs earn between $55K and $90K.
Rumour has it, the Mayor’s PA was on $100,000.

For what exactly?
Managing a calendar?
Forwarding emails?
Carrying the mayoral chamberpot?

You be the judge.

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Final Thought

If Taupō District Council were a business, it would’ve been restructured five times already.

Instead, it’s a bureaucracy and the only thing getting restructured is your rates bill.

You can’t hit residents with an 8.4% increase, while quietly burning $2.5 million a year on comms, tourism, consultants and outsourced design, with nothing to show for it but a half-read rates reminder in 8pt Arial.

This isn’t about “being negative.”
It’s about respecting the people who pay for it all.

Want trust?

Start with a budget that actually makes sense.

Bones Appétit.

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Shout me a hot chocolate so I can keep writing. Still independent. Still unpaid. Still showing up. And to everyone who’s shared, supported, messaged, donated, or just said “keep going”
Thank you. It means more than you know.